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I recently got a connection request from someone who had an instance a while back, and apparently recently restored it. However I cannot accept, because my user data seems to still be in their database, so the request/accept fails.

@Gabe are you seeing this mention?
The more common term is “node” for Friendica instances.
True indeed. Yes, he had an "installation" running his own friendica node, and recently it seems got it back up and running. :-D